He comes – violently – and immediately gets up and walks away, without so much as a kiss or a thank you mam. She looks almost bored and desperate to get back to her beach read. It seems more performative than for his partner’s actual pleasure. He’s looking around with every thrust, eyeballing everyone who’s watching.

She’s wearing a wide brimmed sunhat and as he pounds her - think piece of meat, mainstream porn style. We’re talking thrusty, groany, penis-in-vagina sex. Within five minutes, our sun lounger neighbours are at it. Wearing nothing but a baseball cap and jelly shoes (most definitely a LEWK), we head to the nude beach. It’s day one and he’s naked and prancing around like a hairless show pony before I’ve even plucked up the courage to get my boobs out. He’s been jumping into lakes and saunas naked from the moment he could walk. I’m pretty open-minded, but have been feeling a bit self-conscious, with a low body image recently, so learning to waltz around care-free with my butt out all week is going to be challenging. There are signs everywhere telling you it’s a ‘naked or else’ policy. Just as we flew to Jamaica, we were having some ~issues~, but I hoped doing this ridiculous thing together would remind us why we fell in love in the first place, and get us back on the shagging track. Joe had taken it very personally, going down the defensive “does this mean you don’t love me?” route. I’d always been interested in consensual non-monogamy, and had vaguely floated the idea of swinging. It was Young Swingers Week, which meant there were hundreds of hot, open couples looking to get it on.įull disclosure: before the trip, we were in a monogamous relationship and lived together. Recently, I spent a week there, and took my long-term partner Joe* along for the ride. Hedonism II is an adults-only, “clothing optional”, sex resort in Jamaica, complete with nude beaches, pools, hot tubs, and a kitted out “Playroom”. But swinging at a nudist resort? I’ve never done that. I’ve even worn a strap-on, pegged someone and then written about it for the entire Internet to see. I’ve held my best friend’s hand at an orgy, as a random dude looked us deep in the eyes while fucking two other women. I’ve had a mistress tie me up and electrocute me with a live sex toy. A s a sex writer, I’ve kind of seen a lot.

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